Your Child’s Privacy vs. Their Protection | Part 3
Feb 22
The Child’s Bedroom
One of the places that parents seem to be afraid to step over some invisible boundary line, is their child’s bedroom. Some how many parents have been duped into thinking that small amount of space is forbidden to them. It begins slowly when children are younger with the silly “no parents allowed” and “caution, do not enter” signs. These signs can be dangerous because they can create the attitude that the child somehow owns that space.
Parents, not their child, pay the mortgage or rent bill every month. So the child does not own that space. It belongs to the parent.
As parents, with the job of protecting and training our children, we must be in their bedrooms checking chores and making sure that everything in them is following the family rules. It becomes dangerous when a child believes that a parent will not come into their room. It can become a place to keep things or act out in ways that are hazardous to the child. Sadly, some parents are none the wiser.
We have just begun to scratch the surface of the parental challenge of rights vs. parental responsibility to protect the child. In the weeks to come we’ll continue with this topic, but what about hope in the middle of this discussion? If you have older children this is something you are already in the middle of. There maybe someone out there that says yes, I agree with everything that has been said but what do I do now?
Sit down and evaluate what changes need to be made. For the sake of example we will use the bedroom. A parent has not felt it was their right to go into their child’s bedroom. They are realizing this is a mistake. The plan that has been decided on is that mom will check the bedroom daily to make sure the chores are done correctly as well as keeping her eyes open for anything that doesn’t meet family standards.
Start with a family meeting. Talk with your children about the fact that for their protection and safety things are being changed. Privacy is a privilege that is earned only when trust is built. It’s not even so much that you don’t trust them. It’s that you don’t trust others out there that you don’t know. You don’t really care what other people are doing or say is okay. You love them too much not to get more involved. “But mom,” the child might protest, “Why are you starting this now?” “Because I now realize that I have made a mistake and for your protection I’m taking steps to correct my mistake.”
The bedroom is a great place to start. Next, however, it’s time to move on to the boundaries surrounding those potential secret invaders into your child’s life …friends, technology and the internet.
Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on privacy vs. protection.
Your Child’s Privacy vs. Their Protection | Part 2
Feb 21
The Child’s Right To Be Given Boundaries
What is a child’s most important right? In today’s society, there’s a dumbfounding battle between the child’s right to privacy vs. the child’s right to protection. One of the things that our children are being taught by their own sub-culture is the attitude that “I have rights that you as a parent cannot touch.”
Many parents are paralyzed over what to do with this type of attitude. They feel helpless knowing the need to protect their child but feeling they are not “allowed” in some instances. When it comes to bedrooms, cell phones, computers etc. begin with two thoughts. Whose are they really and who is in charge of protecting the child. Never have my children reminded me that it was time for them to go to the dentist or time to get a shot. But I knew they needed it for their own protection. I went against their “want” in order to meet their “need”. Begin the process of thinking through boundaries as a protection issue rather than a rights issue.
One way to fight this attitude of personal rights is to begin developing an attitude of gratitude. Thankfulness is something that is taught, it does not come naturally. When a child is taught to be consistently thankful for what they are given and how hard their parents work to give it to them, it helps to soften the entitled attitude as they grow up.
First it is an area to be role modeled. Do the children see thankfulness in you? Thank your children when they are helpful, when they do something out of their way just to be nice. By consistently saying a simple thank you to your children you are teaching thankfulness. Another way to teach thankfulness is around the dinner table you can play a thankful game. Every family member needs to think of at least one thing that they are thankful for from that day. This helps to keep thankfulness on the forefront of everyone’s mind, as well as creating conversation.
Sometimes just very simple solutions can help prevent bigger problems later. Choosing to be thankful for everything we have, combats the attitude of “that’s mine” or “you can’t come in here.”
Listen to today’s podcast for more on privacy vs. protection.
Your Child’s Privacy vs. Their Protection | Part 1
Feb 20
Why Are Parents So Afraid Today?
In some areas we over protect our children, then in other areas we tend to under protect them. Especially, when it comes to “their” space and “their” technology. Ask yourself whose room is their bedroom? When a parent says “your bedroom” to the child that’s a statement of location and where you sleep. It’s not a statement of who owns it. The same applies for a child’s cellphone and internet/computer usage.
First of all, they don’t have any space … room. Technically, it’s our room because we are the ones who pay the bill for it every month. And most often, it’s our phone they are using. We need to take ownership of their space and technology because we need to be responsible to protect our children. It’s important for parents to decide that this is not an issue of giving our children privacy, it’s an issue of protecting our children.
Think about it this way, no one in their right mind would allow a stranger off the street to baby-sit for their child. No one would allow a stranger to knock on the door and say, “I’m here to spend some time with your child … alone.” Yet many parents are unknowingly doing just that. When it comes to technology … and it is coming at us faster and faster … your child needs some basic parental leadership. Two basic questions need to be answered for your child: what forms of technology (Facebook, Twitter, texting etc.) are they allowed to use … at what age and what are the boundaries. There are no real boundaries unless a parent chooses to establish the boundaries. If there are no boundaries established then virtually anyone has access to your child without your approval, without your awareness and without even identifying their true identity or intentions.
Technology isn’t bad anymore than water in a pool is bad. But a pool with no rules is incredibly dangerous. There must be a balance in allowing your child freedom, but it absolutely cannot come at the cost of their protection. One of parenting’s ultimate ends is to protect children.
Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on privacy vs. protection.
Valentine’s Week – What is Love | Part 2
Feb 14
Love is… not punching my brother. – Benny, age 6
The first attribute found in God’s definition of love (1 Corinthians 13) is patience. In today’s society we don’t do well with patience. We have been trained for the immediate and today’s children are no different. Patience is something that is taught by modeling this behavior. You cannot tell a child to be patient with their sibling and then be in the car driving to the grocery store yelling at the driver in front of you because he is going too slowly.
As parents we must remember that there are always eyes watching to see how we will handle situations. A child is more prone to do what we do rather than do what we say. They are visual learners. We must be conscious how we are reacting to the things around us in word and action. When they watch us our children are learning the “love acted out loud” virtue of patience.
What does it mean to be kind?
Valentine’s Week – What is Love | Part 1
Feb 13
Love to me means that I have a open heart for others. ~Dani, age 7
While Valentine’s Day in the classroom means candy and parties, for others it is a source of pressure and for some it is just downright depressing. What would happen if families used the month surrounding this holiday to teach children what it means to show love to the people around them? We are told in Matthew 22 that to love our neighbor is “equally as important” as “loving the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul and all your mind.” In fact the word love is used over 600 times in the Bible.
Sadly in today’s society we have no idea what it means. To a child life revolves around them but we are raising a generation of adults who have not grown out of this. To raise a marriageable and employable adult we have to cultivate the concept of love in our children.
What better a time to focus on this trait as a family then Valentine’s week?
How do we teach children real love? Please join us as we spend this week discussing the responsibility we have as parents to teach “love”.
