Those Difficult Parent/Child Discussions | Part 5
May 04
Questions About Imperfect Homes
One thing that can be unsettling for children is when their parents disagree, because if this it may raise questions. First our children need to know that mommy and daddy aren’t perfect and two imperfect people living under the same roof may not always agree. As always we need to be aware that children observe everything and make sure that if we disagree in front of the kids we are appropriate to each other
This maybe a great discussion to teach your children about marriage that even though two people love each other they don’t always agree. It can also be a great thing to use to teach your children about God. Even though mommy and daddy aren’t perfect and make mistakes, their Heaven Father is perfect.
The hard questions about home issues can be used to start discussions with your children. However, if the issues are more severe never put your children in the middle of the arguments or cause them to half to choose sides between mom and dad. This is very distressing for them.
For more on this topic check out our previous series titled, When Parents Don’t Agree, by clicking here.
And as always check out today’s podcast as well for more insight.
Those Difficult Parent/Child Discussions | Part 4
May 03
Questions About The Gray Areas Of Life
There are some areas in life that aren’t completely black and white and different people have different convictions about them. These may be decisions that you want to help coach your kids through. This means that your answers aren’t as important as the discussions they create. Helping your children their own convictions about these gray areas will help them stick with them as they get older. It is their own decision rather then a rule imposed on them.
There are also some gray areas that society has set up boundaries around already. Take movies for instance, some people make the personal choice not to see rated R or even PG-13 movies because of their content. The nice thing is society has already set up that these are appropriate only for ages over 18 or 13. So this is an easy gray area to help your child set up their adult convictions for. So it is easy to have a dialog about this type of gray area. When your child asks about movies, you can reply what your personal conviction is but open a dialog about it. For example something like “mom and dad have chosen not to watch movies that are R because of the nudity or language,” or “mom and dad are very selective about the PG 13/R movies we watch because we don’t want to put the sexuality or language into our heads.” That can open a dialog to discuss this issue.
The importance is the discussion not the answer because with gray areas every family may have made a different choice. This means that your child will observe other families maybe making different choices then yours, which is why you want to be available for questions.
Listen to today’s podcast for more on this topic.
Those Difficult Parent/Child Discussions | Part 3
May 02
Peer Interaction Questions
Another topic that may be difficult for today’s parent to discuss is peers. Our reactions to peer discussions can go one of two ways. Either we can be tempted to blow off issues as not a big deal or blow up issues and make them a bigger deal. Neither one of these reactions will encourage our children to come back to us with peer issues.
Something that we need to keep in mind in talking with our kids about peers is their experience may be very different from ours. Bullying has been taken to a completely new level then what most of us have observed. (For more on bullying check out our previous series by clicking here.) And with the introduction of the internet, our homes are not completely a sanctuary because of cyber-bullying. (for more on this topic check out the cyber-bullying series by clicking here.)
We also must remember that while something may not seem like a big deal to us as parents, we are removed from the situation. To a preteen/teen peer relations are their world, therefore it is a bigger deal to them. Because we are removed we can offer valuable advice and insight but we must be careful not to downplay our child’s emotion about a situation. Doing this is another way to alienate your child and make them decide not to come back to us in the future because they feel mom/dad “doesn’t understand.”
Listen to today’s topic for more insight on peer interaction questions
Those Difficult Parent/Child Discussions | Part 2
May 01
Sex Questions
Like we discussed yesterday and many times previously we want to be the ones that our children come to with their questions. It is our job as parents to “train them up in the way they should go” this means that we cannot leave the difficult topics and questions for some one else to answer.
Because of the world around them it is amazing the questions our children come up with and at younger ages today. Especially when it has to do with sexuality. We must be prepared for these questions and control our emotions when they are asked. We cannot give the answer, even though we may think it, wait until your older. When we leave these important questions unanswered we leave them vulnerable to whoever will answer and usually that means peers. If a difficult question throws you off instead of reacting shocked, its ok to say “because this is a really important topic why don’t you let me think about it and we’ll talk before you go to bed.” That way you have time to process how to answer and to think through if there are any deeper questions underlying.
For more insight on the topic of teaching your kids about sexuality check out our previous series on Putting Sexual Purity Into Your Parenting Curriculum as well as today’s podcast.
Those Difficult Parent/Child Discussions | Part 1
Apr 30
The Questions Your Child Has But Doesn’t Know To Ask
Children are innately curious creatures. Ask any mom of a toddler and they will tell you how they spend their day answering the seemingly limitless amount of questions. Why, or in my son’s case, what happened? At some point though if we are not careful they stop asking questions.
As parents it is our job to make sure that we are open and available for our children to ask questions to. It is very easy to quickly answer a question and continue on with what we are doing. Often these are moments where our children want to know something deeper and either don’t know how to ask it or are feeling us out for how we will respond. Take the time to truly listen to what your children are saying and look for opportunities to draw up that underlying question.
Remember we want to constantly do things that will open the lines of communication with our child and reinforce that we will always be a safe place for them to come with questions, even the hard ones.
Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on this topic.
