Communication Blockers – The Busy Schedule

Our focus this month has been training children how to communicate.  This is one of the lessons that can branch out into all avenues of their lives.  We are going to spend this week discussing the different things that can become communication blockers if we are not aware of the potential problem and trying to place boundaries to prevent problems.

For many, the summer is a down time for the family. Because the kids are not in school there is extra time to do some fun family activities.  With the start of the school year, for some even this week, the family day to day activities begin in full swing.  Even if your children are not yet in school many churches kick off all of the fall events and small groups as well.  All this to say we are no longer in relaxed mode and for many the busy season begins.  It is so easy to look back during the holiday season and think, “wow where did the fall go?!”

This time of crazy schedules can really be a communication blocker if we allow it to be.  We must carve out time for family to be together and be intentional to take full advantage of those small moments we have previously discussed.  Sit down with your spouse and schedule in family nights if you have to.  Look for times daily to communicate with your kids.  Be Intentional!

Bedtime Communication

Another great venue for communication is bedtime.  When children are small it is so important to create a bedtime routine.  Many of these routines include reading to your child and singing before they go to sleep.  The important thing, about these sweet times with our children, is just getting to be with them in these last few moments of their day.  As our children grow, many times we leave these “bedtime routines” behind.  Bedtimes can even become a battle and a time of frustration for both parent and child.

Many times if a bedtime routine can be put back into place a battle can be avoided.  Instead of rocking your child to sleep with a song, you can sit with them on their bed and listen.  For many kids a hard day is being processed through in these last moments before going to sleep.  If we are there in these moments with our older kids, just listening, we can help by offering support or even just the comfort of mom or dad.  The great bedtime moments don’t have to be left behind as our kids get older.  We again just have to be intentional in giving our kids our time and teaching communication.

Creative Communication

As parents we need to keep in mind that kids are often the most willing to talk when their hands are busy.   This is where we can get creative.  Pulling a child in to help you make dinner can not only teach them a life skill but can open the doors of communication.   There are certain hobbies that our kids like to do that can be great talk times, such as throwing a ball or shooting hoops.  Even some “old timey” family activities can spark great conversation, like keeping a puzzle out to do as a family or working on a model.

Some activities can even become a family routine like a walk after dinner or a family game night.  We can also easily sit with our kids for company as they are doing a chore.  For example, while your child is straightening their room go sit on their floor and just listen.   Sometimes the unexpected moments can be the best times to open the doors of communication.  We always have to be on the look out to not only see the opportunities around us but to create some fun opportunities for teaching your child how to communicate.

Drive Time

Another opportunity for teaching communication to our children is drive time.   Many moms today spend countless hours in the car, aka the family taxi, because of the many extra curricular activities their children are involved in.  Some parents sacrifice their time driving their kids to Christian school or braving the carpool line.

We can turn these times into communication training because we have a captive audience.  Sure there may be days where your son or daughter would rather sleep then talk but there are also moments where great conversations can happen.   It is our job as parents to create the atmosphere for these moments and then wait.  Some times we can spark conversation by just asking a few questions and then listening.  You may even have to set up some boundaries for older kids, such as their music or cell phone is not on until they get home.   We must take advantage of even the small minutes for communication.

The Family Dinner Table

This month we have be focusing on teaching our children communication skills.  We have already addressed several reasons why this is so important.  This week we will discuss several venues for communication.  Each of these venues we can use to “zone out” as a family but we have discussed the fact that we need to be intentional in creating opportunities for communication.

The venue we will be discussing today is the dinner table.  It’s ok every once in a while to enjoy pizza in front of a movie as a family or brown bag dinner in the car because of a crazy night.   This however should not be the norm.   Research over the past few years has shown the value of eating together as a family.  In fact, an article in TIME, by Nancy Gibbs called The Magic of the Family Meal states, “Studies show that the more often families eat together, the less likely kids are to smoke, drink, do drugs, get depressed, develop eating disorders and consider suicide, and the more likely they are to do well in school, delay having sex, eat their vegetables, learn big words and know which fork to use.”

Sitting down together as a family can also be such an awesome tool for teaching communication.  Children can learn the give and take of a conversation.  It can also be a great place to talk through how their day went as well as listening to how other family members faired.  The dinner table can also be a place for fun.  As parents we can be creative conversationalists and do games around the dinner table.   We must remember that even though we may be tired from our day we set the tone for how the conversation will go.

Training For Future Success

This week we have been discussing the importance of teaching your child how to communicate.  We have also mentioned that knowing how to communicate is a vital characteristic to have for a successful marriage.  Teaching your child the basics of communication is important because it will lay the foundation for them to develop into successful communicators with their future spouse.   As your child grows the home should be a training ground to teach things such as how to communicate feelings, learn to ask for and grant forgiveness and work through disagreements.

All of us have personality and temperament bents that can affect our communication style.  Some of us are stubborn and don’t like to give in during an argument while others find it fun to argue just for arguing sake.  People who are more laid back may not want to offend by sharing a differing opinion.  Still others may clam up when asked how they feel.  Through out childhood and adolescence we can begin to decipher our child’s communication style and help them process through any pitfalls that may come with their particular personality.