Creative Communication

As parents we need to keep in mind that kids are often the most willing to talk when their hands are busy.   This is where we can get creative.  Pulling a child in to help you make dinner can not only teach them a life skill but can open the doors of communication.   There are certain hobbies that our kids like to do that can be great talk times, such as throwing a ball or shooting hoops.  Even some “old timey” family activities can spark great conversation, like keeping a puzzle out to do as a family or working on a model.

Some activities can even become a family routine like a walk after dinner or a family game night.  We can also easily sit with our kids for company as they are doing a chore.  For example, while your child is straightening their room go sit on their floor and just listen.   Sometimes the unexpected moments can be the best times to open the doors of communication.  We always have to be on the look out to not only see the opportunities around us but to create some fun opportunities for teaching your child how to communicate.

Drive Time

Another opportunity for teaching communication to our children is drive time.   Many moms today spend countless hours in the car, aka the family taxi, because of the many extra curricular activities their children are involved in.  Some parents sacrifice their time driving their kids to Christian school or braving the carpool line.

We can turn these times into communication training because we have a captive audience.  Sure there may be days where your son or daughter would rather sleep then talk but there are also moments where great conversations can happen.   It is our job as parents to create the atmosphere for these moments and then wait.  Some times we can spark conversation by just asking a few questions and then listening.  You may even have to set up some boundaries for older kids, such as their music or cell phone is not on until they get home.   We must take advantage of even the small minutes for communication.

The Family Dinner Table

This month we have be focusing on teaching our children communication skills.  We have already addressed several reasons why this is so important.  This week we will discuss several venues for communication.  Each of these venues we can use to “zone out” as a family but we have discussed the fact that we need to be intentional in creating opportunities for communication.

The venue we will be discussing today is the dinner table.  It’s ok every once in a while to enjoy pizza in front of a movie as a family or brown bag dinner in the car because of a crazy night.   This however should not be the norm.   Research over the past few years has shown the value of eating together as a family.  In fact, an article in TIME, by Nancy Gibbs called The Magic of the Family Meal states, “Studies show that the more often families eat together, the less likely kids are to smoke, drink, do drugs, get depressed, develop eating disorders and consider suicide, and the more likely they are to do well in school, delay having sex, eat their vegetables, learn big words and know which fork to use.”

Sitting down together as a family can also be such an awesome tool for teaching communication.  Children can learn the give and take of a conversation.  It can also be a great place to talk through how their day went as well as listening to how other family members faired.  The dinner table can also be a place for fun.  As parents we can be creative conversationalists and do games around the dinner table.   We must remember that even though we may be tired from our day we set the tone for how the conversation will go.

Training For Future Success

This week we have been discussing the importance of teaching your child how to communicate.  We have also mentioned that knowing how to communicate is a vital characteristic to have for a successful marriage.  Teaching your child the basics of communication is important because it will lay the foundation for them to develop into successful communicators with their future spouse.   As your child grows the home should be a training ground to teach things such as how to communicate feelings, learn to ask for and grant forgiveness and work through disagreements.

All of us have personality and temperament bents that can affect our communication style.  Some of us are stubborn and don’t like to give in during an argument while others find it fun to argue just for arguing sake.  People who are more laid back may not want to offend by sharing a differing opinion.  Still others may clam up when asked how they feel.  Through out childhood and adolescence we can begin to decipher our child’s communication style and help them process through any pitfalls that may come with their particular personality.

In Your Anger, Do Not Sin

Yesterday we discussed why it was important to teach your child to communicate emotions.  We touched on the fact that many times we allow our children to act out in frustration or anger because we are just to tired to deal with the behavior yet again.  This is not a good behavior pattern to allow.  Anger is a very destructive emotion if not dealt with or communicated properly.  An adult who does not know how to appropriately manage their anger will have a difficult time both in marriage and holding a job.

We must teach our children to properly communicate anger.  Every one of us is going to feel frustrated and angry.  This is why the Bible tells us, “In your anger, do not sin.”  When our children are exhibiting angry behaviors we must take the time to talk them through it.  The smartest time to do this may be after the fact depending on the age of the child.

We must also teach them how to communicate, by example.  We each need to ask ourselves, what do my children see when I am angry?  Are we able to process and talk through things when we are upset or do we take out our anger on those around us?  Remember we must teach communication intentionally and one of the biggest ways children learn is by observing those closest to them.

Teaching Your Children to Share

One of the most important aspects of communication is the ability to share ones feelings. Although this seems such a basic form of communication it can be easily overlooked in the training of our children. Yesterday we talked about how our current culture is so distracted and fast paced that we cannot take our job of training our children to communicate for granted.  It must be something that is done very intentionally.

When children are younger we are constantly reminding them to, “Use your Words”, in order to help them communicate. As they grow older we may allow them to try and communicate through emotions,  such as anger or frustration, because we have grown weary of the time it takes to deal with their behavior .  However, when our children are acting out in frustration or anger, we need to remind them to use their words.  If our children are not trained how to communicate their feelings both positive and negative, it can lead to some destructive behavior patterns.  Bottling up emotions can be very dangerous.  When you are teaching your child how to communicate their feelings, you are also beginning to help them learn how to process through their emotions.  Emotions that are raw and un-processed can also lead to destructive behaviors.   We must be constantly in tune with our children’s day to day so that we can remind them to “use their words. “