Those Difficult Parent/Child Discussions | Part 3
May 02
Peer Interaction Questions
Another topic that may be difficult for today’s parent to discuss is peers. Our reactions to peer discussions can go one of two ways. Either we can be tempted to blow off issues as not a big deal or blow up issues and make them a bigger deal. Neither one of these reactions will encourage our children to come back to us with peer issues.
Something that we need to keep in mind in talking with our kids about peers is their experience may be very different from ours. Bullying has been taken to a completely new level then what most of us have observed. (For more on bullying check out our previous series by clicking here.) And with the introduction of the internet, our homes are not completely a sanctuary because of cyber-bullying. (for more on this topic check out the cyber-bullying series by clicking here.)
We also must remember that while something may not seem like a big deal to us as parents, we are removed from the situation. To a preteen/teen peer relations are their world, therefore it is a bigger deal to them. Because we are removed we can offer valuable advice and insight but we must be careful not to downplay our child’s emotion about a situation. Doing this is another way to alienate your child and make them decide not to come back to us in the future because they feel mom/dad “doesn’t understand.”
Listen to today’s topic for more insight on peer interaction questions
Those Difficult Parent/Child Discussions | Part 2
May 01
Sex Questions
Like we discussed yesterday and many times previously we want to be the ones that our children come to with their questions. It is our job as parents to “train them up in the way they should go” this means that we cannot leave the difficult topics and questions for some one else to answer.
Because of the world around them it is amazing the questions our children come up with and at younger ages today. Especially when it has to do with sexuality. We must be prepared for these questions and control our emotions when they are asked. We cannot give the answer, even though we may think it, wait until your older. When we leave these important questions unanswered we leave them vulnerable to whoever will answer and usually that means peers. If a difficult question throws you off instead of reacting shocked, its ok to say “because this is a really important topic why don’t you let me think about it and we’ll talk before you go to bed.” That way you have time to process how to answer and to think through if there are any deeper questions underlying.
For more insight on the topic of teaching your kids about sexuality check out our previous series on Putting Sexual Purity Into Your Parenting Curriculum as well as today’s podcast.
Those Difficult Parent/Child Discussions | Part 1
Apr 30
The Questions Your Child Has But Doesn’t Know To Ask
Children are innately curious creatures. Ask any mom of a toddler and they will tell you how they spend their day answering the seemingly limitless amount of questions. Why, or in my son’s case, what happened? At some point though if we are not careful they stop asking questions.
As parents it is our job to make sure that we are open and available for our children to ask questions to. It is very easy to quickly answer a question and continue on with what we are doing. Often these are moments where our children want to know something deeper and either don’t know how to ask it or are feeling us out for how we will respond. Take the time to truly listen to what your children are saying and look for opportunities to draw up that underlying question.
Remember we want to constantly do things that will open the lines of communication with our child and reinforce that we will always be a safe place for them to come with questions, even the hard ones.
Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on this topic.
Signal Behavior | Part 5
Apr 27
Remember This Is A Long Term Project
We spoke yesterday about continuing the training into the teen years. This is one of those areas in parenting that is a long term project. This training is a marathon not a sprint. We can’t give up when it feels like the communication training we worked hard on in the early childhood years seems like it is needed again, and more than ever in the teen years. Some of the behaviors may even look the same as many parents of teens can attest as they watch a teenage temper tantrum. We just have to keep at the communication training and not reinforcing the negative behavior. Many adults around us have not been trained to communicate and can be seen acting out as a result of pain. Those people are very hard to be married to and difficult to employ. This is why we must focus on the day to day process of training in communication and remember it is worth running this marathon for our child’s future!
Isaiah 40:31 “But those who trust in the LORD will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint.”
2 Timothy 4:7 “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, and I have remained faithful.”
Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on this topic.
Signal Behavior | Part 4
Apr 26
Continuing Communication Training In The Teen Years
We’ve spent a lot of this week talking about signal behavior with younger children. Acting out with temper tantrums and other negative behavior. But what about when it happens in older children and teens? This age also acts out when they are hurting but there are other things that happen as well.
There was a few ways to tell when one of our residential girls was in pain and didn’t know how to express it. She would be mean to the other girls in the house, she would become sullen, or she would pull away and withdraw. I had to train these girls that I was a safe place to come in and talk when they were hurting, so I had to read the signs and begin the process of helping them communicate through it.
I found that when a girl was really struggling to communicate finding a neutral turf was the best to get them to talk. Either taking them out to lunch or even just talking when we were doing another activity, like playing basketball or painting nails depending on the girl. Don’t allow your child to withdraw and more importantly don’t take it personally. Pursue your child and continue the communication training!
Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on this topic.
Signal Behavior | Part 3
Apr 25
Developing Healthy Communication Skills
Developing healthy communication skills is one of the most important areas of Parenting. If someone can’t communicate what’s going on inside them they will find marriage very difficult. They will hide in a shell, medicate or explode. As a parent we need to find the line of dealing with the behavior but making sure we are also training our child to communicate what is wrong. We also cannot let them get what they want by means of negative behavior.
Currently, as I am writing this my three year old has started struggling with bedtime again. He has been getting out of his bed because he knows that mommy or daddy will have to come in to discipline. He is seeking relationship and is communicating through his behavior that he needs one of us to be with him. This behavior has started again because he is working through being an older brother and having to share mommy’s attention with his two-month-old baby brother. He doesn’t know how to verbalize these feelings, and may not completely understand that he is having them, so he is reaching out for relationship with his negative behavior. We have to be very careful not to reinforce him getting up. So we wait for a time where he is laying in his bed, doing what he is suppose to, at that point we can go back in to lie down with him to talk and reinforce how important he is to us. Make sure that you are reading the signal behavior and not reinforcing negative behavior but teaching your child to communicate using it.
Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on this topic.
