Mothers & Sons with Guest: Rosemary Barnes | Part 1
May 21
Worth The Sacrifice
The mother and son relationship has some very distinct aspects to it, which is why we are going to spend a two weeks discussing it. A mother has a very important role to play in the life of her son. There are many different types of moments through out the mother and son relationship some wonderful, some difficult and painful but all rewarding.
The beginning of the mother/son relationship is genderless bonding because she is his main caregiver. Whether she works out of the home or not, she is his main nurturer and encourager. A mother is the first to teach her son unconditional love. She is also hopefully the one who begins to instill the meaning of word “no” as well as begin to place boundaries up in his life.
The difficulty of this relationship, which we will continue to explore through the week, is the fact that one of the most important roles that a mother plays is allowing for the slow emancipation of her son. This begins at an early age where, if dad is at home he will slowly become his sons everything. A son will want to emulate everything his father does. And while this pulling away from mom is painful it is something that is necessary for her son to become the man he needs to be.
Check back through this week as we begin to dive into the mother/son relationship.
Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on this topic.
Reasons for Chores | Part 4
May 17
Implementing Chores
Many parents ask the question should allowance be attached to chores? The response is what are we training them for? The purpose of training up a child is to ready them for adulthood. There are many jobs that we as adults have to do around the house. I don’t remember ever receiving a paycheck for doing dishes, laundry or taking out the trash. One of the purposes of chores is to teach children that there are things that we do simply to be a contributing member of a family. There may be extra jobs that are not considered regular chores, such as cleaning out the refrigerator or cleaning windows, that could be done to earn some extra cash. This teaches a child to go above and beyond what is simply required of them. These extra jobs can also be used as consequences, without pay, for chores not done.
Many parents then ask how do I get my child to do household chores? We discussed yesterday setting up a reward/consequence plan for chores. We as adults do have a reward for household chores-a clean and relaxing living space. Think of some rewards,not monetary, that will motivate your child as well as consequences for chores not done.
Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on chores.
Reasons for Chores | Part 3
May 16
Chores Teach A Child To Choose
We discussed yesterday that chores train a child to do what is responsible rather then what is pleasurable. The question is where is a parent to start? The concept of chores is something that can start as early as preschool with simple tasks. In our house, we are working with our three-year-old son teaching him how to clean up after himself. He picks up one set of toys before bringing out another. Of course it would be MUCH faster, and I probably wouldn’t have to sing the clean up song, if I just ran around after him straightening. If I consistently did the work for him, however, then he wouldn’t be ready for the next step, cleaning his room on his own.
For any child utilizing the ICE plan is key for chores. Instruct them what your expectation is. Tell them ahead of time what the consequence is for not completing the chore and what the reward is for completing the chore to your expectation. Finally and sometimes most difficultly we have to step back and let them exercise their choice. Are they going to choose a reward or consequence?
In the residential homes at Sheridan house the teens have chores every morning. The room that does the best in their chores gets ice cream at the end of the week. Many kids are reward driven so attaching rewards early on for a job well done will easily teach that it’s worth it to work hard.
For more on chores listen to today’s podcast.
Reasons for Chores | Part 2
May 15
Why It’s So Important
Why is it so important to fight the chores battle as parents? There are four main reasons. First there is nothing that teaches a child personal responsibility as well as chores. It teaches a child to make the choice between what they want to do and what they need to do. This learned responsibility translates into many adult situations from credit cards to sexuality.
Chores can communicate that a child is needed. Every part of the family pitches in to help out.
It can also help to teach a child how to take initiative as well as learning the importance of excellence. If I do something right the first time I won’t have to go back and fix it.
Lastly it prepares a child for emancipation from the home. We have laughed about how many college freshman have no idea how to do laundry. But simply teaching a child how to do chores helps them to learn basic household management skills.
For more on why chores are such an important area to train your child in, listen to today’s podcast.
