The How To’s of Listening | Part 4
Aug 18
Using Siblings to Teach Listening
One thing that as a culture we seem to be failing to teach our children is patience. We are trained for instant gratification and if we are not careful our children will be no different. An area that can be used to teach both listening skills and patience is sibling communication. Like we discussed yesterday active listening is something that is a choice. It is also something that needs to be taught because most of us are born with the “me first” attitude. As parents we can begin to teach active listening by having our children look at us when we are giving an instruction and then simply requiring a response. This will begin to teach children that they need to look at the person that is speaking to them and answer. The next step to teaching listening is with their siblings. We need to train them that their siblings deserve the same kind of listening respect. This is where the patience comes into play as we are helping them to wait their turn in talking. Which means no interrupting. As children get older we also need to train them to stay with the conversation until it has been completed before we bring up something new to talk about. All of these things, that are seemingly simple, are listening skills that some adults have not mastered. This small listening skill that can be practiced with siblings can be invaluable for a child later and help them in both adult relationships and jobs.
Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on this topic.
Sibling Rivalry | Part 5
Jul 15
Sibling Rivalry and Personalities
There are many aspects of parenting where our children’s different personalities may have an affect. Sibling rivalry can be one of those areas. If you have a child who is very sensitive you may be tempted to rescue them whenever they get their feelings hurt. This may not help them in the long run, however. If our job is to train our child for adulthood we may need to help our sensitive child learn how to cope. There are obviously times we need to step in when picking on each other goes too far. When our sensitive child gets their feelings hurt we may just need to take some time to talk them through it. Many times they are getting picked on because of their reaction. Teaching them how to cope will help them not only in the school years but also help them to not wear their feelings on their sleeve as adults.
The other child we can take extra time with is the child who is our leader. Our goal should be training up all of our children to be future leaders but our first-born has been naturally placed in this role. We can start allowing them areas of leadership. As the oldest they will have more privileges then their siblings as they grow, so their responsibilities will grow as well. Having a sense of ownership in their leadership role will help with the sibling rivalry we just have to guide them.
Take the time to come up with a plan for the different personalities in your home.
Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on sibling rivalry.
Sibling Rivalry | Part 4
Jul 14
Don’t Just Manage Sibling Rivalry Train For Relationship
There are so many times that we get caught up in attempting to manage the fighting between our children we forget to give opportunities for relationship. There are several areas where we can train our children to enjoy and ultimately serve each other. This may not be something that comes naturally to our children so we need to look for opportunities to help them with it. Make sure there are routine times for sibling fun in your house. Game nights are great for family interaction. Have a weekly “fun Friday” where you allow your kids to have a big slumber party in the living room with popcorn and a movie. It is our job to create experiences to promote camaraderie in our kids.
Another area to focus on is training our kids to serve each other. Look for areas where you can help one child serve the other. For example, your older child has a big test to study for and it is their job to do the dishes. Talk to your younger child and have them help you do the dishes for the older one. Make sure the child is receiving plenty of praise from you as they help you do the dishes. This is a great training opportunity that so often we miss.
Make sure that you take the extra time to create opportunities for fun and service. It will go along way in helping your children’s relationship with each other.
Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on sibling rivalry.
Sibling Rivalry | Part 3
Jul 13
Using Sibling Rivalry for Training in Impulse and Attitude Control
Siblings are a great learning and practicing tool for marriage and coworkers. Utilizing this for training in both impulse control and not allowing someone else to control our attitude is important. We touched on how to do this yesterday. Make sure you are consistently communicating what the other options to fighting are. When you hear fighting from the other room you can take that moment to remind your children, as a warning for their behavior, what the right choice would be. After the warning, if the inappropriate behavior continues then a consequence can occur. By doing this you are reminding your children to use self-control or to control their impulses. Immaturity would say to retaliate when someone does something to you. Maturity would be able to look past it and deal with it appropriately.
The next thing we can utilize siblings for is to teach our children that attitude is a choice. You can choose to let someone else’s actions control your mood or you can refocus both yourself and your mood. Again in both of these training opportunities positive reinforcement goes along way. This may mean more work for us as parents as we look for things to praise. We also sometimes mean well and then get too busy to mention it when our kids make the right choice. Take the time and effort to go crazy for good behavior; that sometimes speaks more loudly then consequences for the poor choices.
Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on sibling rivalry.
Sibling Rivalry | Part 2
Jul 12
Using Sibling Rivalry as a Training Tool
It is so easy to get irritated and frustrated when our children don’t get along. Constant fighting between siblings can be exhausting for parents. However, sibling rivalry is a great teaching tool for our children to learn many life lessons. One lesson is how to handle it appropriately when someone irritates you. Another lesson is conflict management. The lesson that life is not always fair can also be taught through siblings. Keep focused on the importance of these lessons and come up with a plan for utilizing sibling rivalry for training. This will help give purpose for dealing with these issues and help us as parents to not feel so frustrated.
Take time to set up parameters on where the line of inappropriate behaviors is. Then have a family meeting to discuss this line, the consequences for stepping over the line and options for appropriately dealing with the conflict. Giving your children options on how to appropriately deal with it when their sibling irritates them is part of the training. They can talk to their sibling, remove themselves from the situation or refocus on something else. Another key to training is not only handing out consequences for inappropriate behavior but also rewarding the positive. If our children make the right choice and avoid the fighting we need to make sure we are going crazy with praise.
Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on sibling rivalry.
