What Is Family?

What does the word family mean to you?  Unfortunately for many of us the word family stirs up so painful memories or emotions.  So many today have been deeply wounded by the ones who were suppose to be their constant support.  This should help us to realize all the more the significant impact family has.

In a perfect world family should be the ones who always are there for us.  They are the ones we run to when we are scared or hurt. Family is who sees us at our worst and loves us all the more.  They are our safe place in the chaos of the world around us.  They are steadfast, unchanging and dependable.  They are the ones who always make us feel loved, taken care of and worth it.  They are our cheerleaders when times go well and a shoulder to cry on when they don’t.  They are our constant.

Unfortunately we don’t live in a perfect world.  The only One we can truly say these things about is our Heavenly Father.  However, because we are made in His image and family is his plan for our lives we need to strive to be like Him in all we do.  We need to strive to be a mirror reflecting His unconditional love and grace to those around us.  Especially those He has allowed us to go through life with, our family!

Training For Family

Because we want to make this summer count, for the month of June we will be looking at what family really is.  We will be dissecting the different parts and why they are important.  Then we will be looking at why God set us up to live in these units called families. We cannot do well what we don’t understand.  Society today has severally warped the importance of family.  We are taught to live in a world that is all about me… the preeminence of the individual.  We are taught to be self sufficient. It is difficult to take into consideration needs of others if we are trained to think this way.  The fact that families look very different today forces the head of each family to carefully look at what family is and how we can each learn to put the training needs of our children as a priority this summer. Time to Be and Do family.  Our children will one day have to be able to DO family successfully themselves and this is their training ground.

Help Your Child Learn How to Filter

Teens today still say their parents are the number one influence in their lives.  This is such a comforting thought, especially when it comes the areas of dating and sex.  Teens today are bombared constantly with sex.  It is presented to them in the media, through television, movies, magazines, and commercials. They are bombared with it by their peers. Sexuality is openly discussed in school.  There seems to be no sense of modesty about the topic in today’s teen culture.  This is why it is imperative that parents consistently talk to their teen about sex.

Again, this is not a one time only, birds and the bees type talk or even the discussion that takes place as they “come of age.” This needs to be an on going dialog.  Parents must be a safe place that the teen can come with questions.

We also need to be aware of what our kids are filling their minds with.  Are they becoming desensitized to sex because of what they are exposing themselves to?  We need to monitor what is playing on their ipods.  What music does your child like? Do you even know the lyrics to the songs that they listen to?  Magazines that are pushed at teens, such as Seventeen and others, are very sexually explicit.  Even video games today can be very sexual.  For your teens sake, filter what they are putting into their minds and hearts.  2 Corinthians 10:5 tells us to take captive every thought we have.  That’s a vital discipline parents must teach their teens.

Sticking to the Plan

Yesterday we discussed the importance keeping the lines of communication with your teen open.  One of the things to discuss with your teen is the importance of sticking to a plan.   There needs to be a plan in place for who to date, as well as, what to do on a date.

In talking with many teens today it is surprising that many will “go out” with almost anyone who asks.  This is why it is important to have that previously discussed “spouse list”.  A teen can then easily see who fits their criteria.  It is very important to have standards as to who is datable.  Sadly one of those standards is for the basic reason of safety.  Girls especially need to be very careful who they choose to go out with.  The date rape statistics on college campuses is staggering.  We need to be training our teens about safety on dates beginning with who they choose to go out with.

Then regardless of how safe the potential date appears to be on paper, sticking to a plan on a date is something that will help with safety.  Teens need to go into a date with a plan of what will happen.  This is where our four important questions, who, what, where and when, come into play.  Girls need to be asking these questions to the guys they go out with. They also need to have an “escape plan” if the date begins to change.  This is where we as parents need to be a safety net for our teens.  We need to be available for picking them up, even late at night, if the plan changes and they need to come home.  We need to constantly communicate that we are there for them through this process.  WE also need to affirm the fact that our teens a far too special not to be asking the “Who, What, Where and When Questions.” We can communicate, “Honey, if someone invited me to spend an evening socially with them, these are the questions even I would ask.”

Dating By Example

There are many ways parents can lead by example.  Oddly the issue of dating is one of those.  For those parents that are married we can set an example in our own relationships.  Our relationship with our spouse should be something that our children want to copy.  Whether we realize it or not there are always eyes watching how we treat each other.  Ask yourself, “Is our marriage something that would make our children want to be married?”

For those who are single parents, you have an amazing opportunity to lead by example in a difficult area. If you do date, are you doing it the way you want your children to date?  In a way that would honor God? It is an awesome opportunity to open the doors of communication as you journey through this stage with your kids.  This is one of the few areas you can help to hold each other accountable.